I write at high speed because boredom is bad for my health.

Wit ought to be a glorious treat like caviar; never spread it about like marmalade.

It is discouraging how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit.

There's always something fishy about the French.

Mona Lisa looks as if she has just been sick, or is about to be.

I love criticism just so long as it's unqualified praise.

Work is much more fun than fun.

A perfect martini should be made by filling a glass with gin then waving it in the general direction of Italy.

For gin, in cruel sober truth, supplies the fuel for flaming youth.

Work hard, do the best you can, don't ever lose faith in yourself and take no notice of what other people say about you.

You will know you're old when you cease to be amazed.

Life is a collection of experiences. Stockpile those wrought with love like the treasures they are.

Real education must ultimately be limited to men who insist on knowing. The rest is mere sheep herding.

It is hard to talk about a middle ground for something that is a fundamental right.

People say there are thousands of options we have in life. I say we have only two: we can either be happy or be unhappy.

What is meat for one is not for another--no accounting for fancy.

I know I ain't nobody's bargain, but hell a little touchup and a little paint.

[Statistics] Fiction in its most uninteresting form.

She sensed it, saw my eyes wet with tears, and only then must have discovered I was no longer the man I had been, and I endured her glance with a courage I never thought I had.

A garden is half made when it is well planned.