I wrote a lot of poetry in the last two years of high school, all about the same girl I was in love with. That was pretty awful. Did you know that in poetry, every line does not need to rhyme?

Telling me that I’m obsessed with talking about racism in America is like telling me I’m obsessed with swimming when I’m drowning.

I don't tie my shoes right. I tie them the way you would tie a gift, like a bow.

I am able to apply certain things to my craft that maybe other comedians don't, because I'm a devotee.

We've never had a female President in this country, which I find stunning

For years now, people have mentioned my mustache and get disappointed that when they see me live I don't have a mustache.

Another stupid thing I believed for a long time was that pizza was supposed to be said peed-za.

I don't look like a lot of fun. I just don't.

There are a lot of times where people think I'm in things that I'm not in, because they think I'm Kumail Nanjiani.

It's always fun when you see different comics at different weights or with different hair.

Horse is fine. I'll ride a horse.

If you truly love someone, he or she will inevitably love you back. If you find yourself in an emotional one way street, walk away! Trust that it’s not love.

You take a step, then another. That’s the journey. But to take a step with your eyes open is not a journey at all, it’s a remaking of your own mind.

We only reach true wisdom when we accept that we have almost certainly forgotten more than we currently remember.

She opened her eyes and touched her lips, as though he had just kissed them. She could taste him.

Today, I am blessed to be living a dream. And yet, if it all went away tomorrow, I know I would still have peace.

First, there was 2 Stupid Dogs. Then, Dexters Laboratory. And now, Powerpuff Girls. There were a lot of little things in between, but those were the main ones.

Humor is such a great gift - why leave it to chance?

The principle of all successful effort is to try to do not what is absolutely the best, but what is easily within our power, and suited for our temperament and condition.

Stupefaction, when it persists, becomes stupidity.

To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object.