I wrote a song about dental floss but did anyone's teeth get cleaner?

A mind is like a parachute. It doesn't work if it is not open.

The universe consists of 5% protons, 5% neutrons, 5% electrons and 85% morons.

There are only two things to remember. Number one...Don't Stop, and number two...Keep Going!

The most important thing to do in your life is to not interfere with somebody else's life.

Power will be maintained by the groovy guy or gal who gets the most media coverage for his sleaze. Naturally, his friends in various businesses will do okay, too.

Republicans stand for raw, unbridled evil and greed and ignorance smothered in balloons and ribbons.

Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible.

Republican is fine, if your a millionaire. Democrats is fair, if all you own is what you wear. Neither of them's really right, cause neither of them care.

It gets harder the more you know. Because the more you find out the uglier everything seems.

The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.

A living together becomes a living apart, when the pineal gland has not been able to create a luster of spiritual togetherness and emotional attachment. (“I wonder what went wrong.” )

I bring up God alot in my show, know why? Because I miss him.

Some say I was disappointed when President Obama won, and that is absolute nonsense.

God has joined the innocent with the guilty.

After speech, silence is the greatest power in the world.

Someone always needs rescuing, yet there's only one person who ever seems to understand you. It's a lot like being Lassie.

One man's insanity is another man's genius; someday the world will recognize the genius in my insanity.

Alas! that the farthest and of all our thoughts should be the thought of our ends.

Not everyone who is enlightened by an angel knows that he is enlightened by him.

Ralph... would treat the day's decisions as though he were playing chess. The only trouble was that he would never be a very good chess player.