I wrote things for the school's newspaper, and - like all teenagers - I dabbled in poetry.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

(Priests) cheapjack merchants selling paradise

Do all you have agreed to do, and do not encroach on other persons or their property.

When life becomes hard, you will never like what your life is to be in the next day unless you love yourself for real.

He'd give the devil ulcers.

I was part of the draft resistance movement in LA where we did demonstrations at the draft centre and burned our cards and made a lot of trouble on campus.

We have found that bats adjust the timing of their sounds when they encounter clutter, and they seem to 'strobe' the world with sound.

The habit of building houses upon piles, which was first forced upon the people by the position they had chosen, was afterwards followed as a matter of taste, just as it is in Holland.

You can say things a million times, but if you can't sing it, then it really isn't much of a song.

I went freelance in 1996 and my children are now teenagers and it seemed right.

Just because we are women doesn't mean the only roles we can play are that of the finger-shaking girlfriend.