ILLUSTRIOUS, adj. Suitably placed for the shafts of malice, envy and detraction.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

I would have changed my last name if being famous were my goal.

I come from very humble origins, so the last thing I would ever do is to look down my nose at people who can't afford to come here to my shop.

People will listen to you only when they know you're dying, otherwise they're just waiting for their turn to talk.

When a child asks you something, answer him, for goodness' sake.

I have deliberately left Sylvester and Julia's appearances to the reader's imagination.

Free people have a right to decide for themselves what they want to hear.

The multitude of false churches accredits the true religion.

Now close the windows and hush all the fields: If the trees must, let them silently toss.

The delight we inspire in others has this enchanting peculiarity that, far from being diminished like every other reflection, it returns to us more radiant than ever.

No place indeed should murder sanctuarize; Revenge should have no bounds.