Ideal women: 36-24-36, five foot seven, flat spot on top of the head, deaf mute. The flat spot on the top of the head is for your drink.

If Thomas Jefferson thought taxation without representation was bad, he should see how it is with representation.

Poverty is not the root cause of crime.

Liberals attempt through judicial activism what they cannot win at the ballot box.

We're not sexists, we're chauvinists - we're male chauvinist pigs, and we're happy to be because we think that's what men were destined to be. We think that's what women want.

End results that work that don’t involve government threaten liberals.

You know why there's a Second Amendment? In case the government fails to follow the first one.

Styrofoam and plastic milk jugs are biodegradable! Do you know what isn't biodegradable? Paper!

I think cigars are just a tremendous addition to the enjoyment of life.

The NAACP should have riot rehearsal. They should get a liquor store and practice robberies.

In a country of children where the option is Santa Claus or work, what wins?

You are the oxygen that inflames the lust in my soul...

Anger is fleeting, whereas hostility is enduring.

Some people still see me as a kid, but I'm a 23-year-old woman now.

I didn't grow up in a home that glorified Hollywood. We didn't watch TV. We didn't have a lot of magazines around.

Pride and reserve are not the only things in life; perhaps they are not even the best things. But if they happen to be your particular virtues you will go all to pieces if you let them go.

To our enemies all over the world who plan America's demise, please take my advice. Give up now. No matter what, you will lose. You will lose it all.

I love paying tax so much, the sight of a gritter lorry gives me an erection.

The information-deprived general populace might have been surprised this week to see a lower paycheck.

An army of principles will penetrate where an army of soldiers cannot.

Why, there's a wench! Come on, and kiss me, Kate.