If Clinton had only attacked terrorism as much as he attacks George Bush we wouldn't be in this problem.

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.

We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program.

Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.

There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim.

It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis.

How gleefully life shreds our well crafted plans.

I had less and became more.

Don’t waste your precious time in worrying about someone taking your place. You know God has already planned something for you. Focus on your job and you will reach the place you deserve!

We prefer the not wanting and not having to the losing.

The sun had begun its descent toward the horizon, and the sounds of the carnival played like a familiar song behind me.

Not on one strand are all life's jewels strung.

In order to have creativity, you have to allow for dead ends to happen.

Artists will sometimes speak of Rome with disparagement or indifference while it is before them; but no artist ewer lived in Rome and then left it, without sighing to return.

There is nothing in this game of golf that can't be improved upon if you practice.

Everything is nothing, and nothing is everything.