If God had meant them to be lifted and separated, He would have put one on each shoulder.

I've never understood the point of ecstasy. I think if I wanted to get dehydrated and jump about with a load of people I've never met before I could go to a Methodist barn dance.

Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television.

I once went to one of those parties where everyone throws their car keys into the middle of the room. I don't know who got my moped, but I drove that Peugeot for years.

I know I've got a degree. Why does that mean I have to spend my life with intellectuals? I've got a lifesaving certificate but I don't spend my evenings diving for a rubber brick with my pyjamas on.

Life's not fair, is it? Some of us drink champagne in the fast lane, and some of us eat our sandwiches by the loose chippings on the A597.

All my friends started getting boyfriends, but I didn't want a boyfriend, I wanted a thirteen-colour biro.

On a train, why do I always end up sitting next to the woman who's eating the individual fruit pie by sucking the filling out through the hole in the middle?

I can remember when pants were pants. You wore them for twenty years, then you cut them down for pan scrubs. Or quilts.

In Russia, show the least athletic aptitude and they've got you dangling off the parallel bars with a leotard full of hormones.

A man is designed to walk three miles in the rain to phone for help when the car breaks down - and a woman is designed to say, 'you took your time' when he comes back dripping wet.

If this is Heaven, I am in big trouble.

Forty million Frenchmen can't be wrong.

Dodi got a lot of criticism when he began dating Princess Diana. No one seemed to think he was good enough for her.

I really believed that I was on the right track, but that did not mean that I would necessarily reach my goal

I think an art collection is a lot like a diary. Your taste evolves with time. I try to never sell anything, because its part of my journey.

All the best essays are epistemological journeys from ignorance or curiosity to knowledge.

Various Horsemen are abroad, doing their various Apocalyptic things.

Train smart at all times and do your best to avoid injury. Training smart is more important than training hard.

There are lots of beautiful areas in England, and I am lucky enough to live in a stunning part of a very beautiful area.

There's an element of tongue-in-cheek in every one of our songs. Walking off into the sunset, holding hands, and being married forever was not exactly a brand new idea.