If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry.

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

An unknown road will always lead somewhere where you haven't been before.

I'm not the best at expressing my feelings other than in songs or on paper. It's just been such a blessing for me my whole life to get my feelings out there in a positive way.

You must be proud, bold, pleasant, resolute, And now and then stab, as occasion serves.

I want girls to feel the confidence you get from being smart.

If there was one ubiquitous recommendation about marriage it was this: "Don't go to bed angry."

Forgiveness is essential as the ultimate detox

Yeah well I think her relationships with people become really clear, and I think they all make tons of sense in line with Ultron as well.

Drama is about conflict and it's about putting obstacles in the path of people you who care about.

If I hadn't had a childhood career, I probably would've signed a contract with the first person I came across.

The early bird catches the worm.