If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.

Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.

Do not waste your life.

When I thought of Eric with someone else, I wanted to rip out all his beautiful blonde hair. By the roots. In clumps.

Strive to find things to be thankful for, and just look for the good in who you are!

All have the gift of speech, but few are possessed of wisdom.

When seen from outer space, our beautiful blue planet has no national boundaries.

You cannot put it all in God's hands. God is busy.

The maxims of men reveal their characters.

Make yourself smell nice. I even wear perfume sometimes when I'm alone.

I have no interest in changing Hollywood. Hollywood is a place so consumed by the spirit of the world that I don't even want to try to think about how to infiltrate that.

Creativity is the ability to see relationships where none exist.