If God is a crutch, then atheism is a coma.

Who is more irrational, the guy who believes in a God he can't see, or a guy who's offended by a God he doesn't believe in?

If we all die and there is no God, then it's just eternal unconsciousness, you'll never know, but if you're wrong... you'll know forever.

Get out of our schools God, get out of our textbooks God, get out of our government God, go away God, go away God, go away God, Katrina hits, God, where are you?

We should have a way of telling people they have bad breath without hurting their feelings. Well, I'm bored. Let's go brush our teeth. Or, I've got to make a phone call. Hold this gum in your mouth.

The way to stop political correctness is to not do it. If someone says, You offended me then you say I don't care! If they're offended by the truth, that's their issue!

Talk about sexist - have you ever, ever, heard someone come up to a woman and say 'find your masculine side?' And by the way women, if you find your masculine side - I'm not interested.

I suffer from two phobias: 1) Phobia-Phobia, the fear that you're unable to get scared, and 2) Xylophataquieopiaphobia, the fear of not pronouncing words correctly.

If the truth conflicts with my beliefs, I change my beliefs.

I don't hate cats...as long as they stay on the freeway, where they belong.

The truth is supposed to hurt. That's how it lets you know you don't got it.

He put his life on hold as he waited for his life to begin.

Avatars are a way to express our true selves, our most heroic, idealized version of who we might become.

Science can be useful, or it can just get in the way.

People realise that his promise [Tony Blair's] to 'save the NHS' was just talk.

I have not loved the World, nor the World me; I have not flattered its rank breath, nor bowed To its idolatries a patient knee, Nor coined my cheek to smiles,-nor cried aloud In worship of an echo.

When I perform outside, the major problem that could arise is strong wind.I spend months preparing for the types of wind that occur in different locations.

Government spending reduces the capital that could be invested to serve consumers and to produce new employment opportunities.

The worst lesson that can be taught to a man is to rely upon others and to whine over his sufferings

If I had to choose between government without newspapers, and newspapers without government, I wouldn't hesitate to choose the latter

Though inland far we be, Our souls have sight of that immortal sea Which brought us hither.