If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

Learn to think for yourself, unless of course you can identify someone else with better judgement, and a flashlight.

Only a mediocre person is always at his best.

The older I get the more mixed up life seems. When you're little, it's all so plain. It's all laid out like a game ready to play. You think you know exactly how it's going to go. But things happen...

To say something nice about themselves this is the hardest thing in the world for people to do.

What we don't understand we can make mean anything.

I've been playing youth basketball ever since I was in sixth grade; I've been traveling ever since I was in sixth grade, so I'm used to it.

It is the business of the artist to uncover the strangeness of truth

I respect a lot of people I don't agree with.

Period movies are just always a wonderful thing to work on.

You cannot underestimate the importance of preparation.

The most important thing to remember in life is to be kind.