If I do talk politics it's very surface, it's not in-depth.

That is the most confusing and insane thing to me, when people get offended on behalf of another group.

I hate that when people are like, "Well, all dwarves know each other, right?" And you want to get mad, but you can't because we do.

I want to go to Australia so bad, do comedy there, and see the people there. It's a great country. I have friends that are Australian that have told me all about it. I want to do comedy there.

It takes a surprisingly large amount of intelligence to be a professional idiot.

The vast majority of people that have gotten mad at me for a joke that I've made were people that were, A, never going to see me in the first place, or, B, were dragged to see me by somebody else.

Comedian makes the statement that just isn't true.

I don't get to the global issues or anything like that. I am just trying to be silly.

People ask me a lot like, "Hey, so when are you done with your tour?" Like when I die. That's when I'm done with my tour.

Everyone's extremely and easily offended now.

It's very confusing to me why people take comedians so seriously.

Where are you?" I wheeze into the floor. "Where did you go?

Celebration comes when the common features of life are redeemed.

Ask a burning question, get a burning answer

I got really tired of metal music. How do you pick what's good to sell when you're not totally into what you're listening to and marketing?

How could I pretend to be someone else when I was already failing at being the person I already was?

The fatt man knoweth not, what the leane thinketh.

The dainties of the great are the teares of the poore.

Happiness is inside you, not with another person

We must lead in a different way... We must have an active president, who gives strong direction and works with the government for its implementation.

In the middle of the night When I'm in this dream It's like a million little stars Spelling out your name