If I don't do stand-up for two weeks, I get freaked out.

Your inability to see yourself clearly is what's keeping you alive.

I looked up and saw the shape of a heart made by the silhouette of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon kissing.

We need to stop telling girls they can be anything they want when they grow up. Because it would have never occurred to them that they couldn't.

I do love poop. I can't help it. The heart wants what it wants. I enjoy being clever and pithy and political, but nothing's going to get me like dumb stuff.

People are always introducing me as Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedienne. I hate that! I wish people would see me for who I really am — I'm white!

Jews, black people - any people who are hated or who have suffered, either as individuals or as a people - use humour. It is a survival skill.

I hope the Jews did kill Christ, I'd do it again in a second.

Drew Friedman isn't just a brilliant artist. He takes you to a place. He takes you back in time. He makes you smell the stale cigarettes and cold brisket and you say, thank you for the pleasure.

They've got great parents; I'm just trying to be the fun uncle.

I like talking about things that are taboo, because it makes them not taboo anymore.

Fantasy is a reaction to the constraints of reality.

The highest level than can be reached by a mediocre but experienced mind is a talent for uncovering the weaknesses of those greater than itself.

Fire and water," he said, "don't really mix. You could say they're incompatible. But when they do love each other, they love passionately.

The bad thing about falling into pieces is that it hurts. The good thing about it is that once you're lying there in shards you've got nothing left to protect, and so have no reason not to be honest

The fact that the theatregoing public likes my music is no credit to me. There are many other composers who write better music that the public doesn't like.

What luxury, to be so happy that we can grieve over imaginary lives.

I don't have any nicknames.

When the subconscious mind must chose between deeply rooted emotions and logic, emotions will almost always win.

Love isn't an opinion, it's a chemical reaction.

My mother was the president of the PTA at every school I attended.