If I don't have fun, it's my own damn fault.

When the audience isn't laughing, that doesn't mean that they're not fascinated.

You’re only limited by your lack of imagination and fear of appearing stupid.

The longer you wait, the more the jump rope becomes a big steel cable.

If you're dumb enough to make me talk I'm smart enough to speak.

Symmetry looks good to us; we want more of it.

Her kiss was a good-bye and a promise and a dream.

A hypocrite despises those whom he deceives, but has no respect for himself. He would make a dupe of himself too, if he could.

I got a few marriage proposals in my 20s. I just wasn't ready. I just knew if I committed, I would've wound up doing something wrong, messing it up. I still felt like I had some living to do.

I'm on the Internet a lot more than I watch TV and most everybody I know is, and yet if you watch most late-night talk shows, it's as if it doesn't even exist.

Religion as a whole specializes in sin management. It's all about organizing humanity in such a way that we cause as little damage as possible.

The road goes ever on and on

I don't play many characters like myself. Oh I don't know what I am!

There are days when I don't want to go to the gym or find myself not super motivated upon arriving. I would visualize myself playing at the Olympics.

The beginning of political wisdom is the realization that despite everything you’ve always been taught, the government is not really on your side; indeed, it is out to get you.

Those who wish to cause religious conflict are small in number but often manage to dominate the headline.