If I get a week off, I'll go to a hotel that has a golf course. I like to come downstairs and go right onto the course. I'll do that five days in a row.

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken!

I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'

Elected officials shouldn’t get to choose who gets to choose elected officials.

If a group of people - leaders - can convince a group of folk who barely have a pot to piss in that the rich shouldn't be taxed-- THAT is leadership!

When it comes to idiots, America's got more than its fair share. If idiots were energy, it would be a source that would never run out.

You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned.

What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense.

He's no idiot, in fact he's a genius... and that's as far from an idiot as you can get without reaching madness.

The great advantage of a hotel is that it is a refuge from home life.

No matter how far you are. No matter how long it takes him. Through Distance And Time I'll be waiting.

That's when you know a horror film delivers - when you're walking out of the theater going 'Oh my God!' You can't get the images out of your mind.

I think President Obama has used the bully pulpit as a way to attack capitalism.

I am actually going to two therapists right now. I don't know, I actually feel like therapy has just made me more uncomfortable.

Fashion is a capricious deity.

I believed that if I was to call myself a writer, I should live on writing. If I could not live on it, even simply, I should destroy every scrap, every trace, every notebook and live some other way.

Warranty – A notice telling the buyer when the product that was just purchased will no longer function.

Maybe when it comes to my music, or my performances, I'm a little more aggressive because I want everything to be perfect. But not in normal, day-to-day life.