If I had my life to live over I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

Gratitude opens our mind to accept more and fills our heart to give more.

The Navy is much more than a job; much more than service to country. It is a way of life. It gets in your blood.

My father still reads the dictionairy every day. He says your life depends on your power to master words

A good leader remains focused. Controlling your destination is better than being controlled by it

I don't start with an idea or concept in the sense that I flesh out an idea or concept and set it at the center of something.

Nobody black or white who really believes in democracy can stand aside now; everybody's got to stand up and be counted.

If you don't pass through anything in life, you can't be anything.

There is no good word for stomach; just as there is no good word for girlfriend. Stomach is to girlfriend as belly is to lover, and as abdomen is to consort, and as middle is to petite amie.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her. Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

[Donald] Trump's own arrogance gets in the way. It's as if he steps on his own tongue regularly.