If I had to describe my sense of humor, I would say it's contemporary wit, you know what I'm saying?

Affirmative action was designed to keep women and minorities in competition with each other to distract us while white dudes inject AIDS into our chicken nuggets.

My sense of humor is a turkey, and I pull it out of the oven and baste it in reality.

And when I was angry, when I was younger, I was in a cocoon. Now I'm a beautiful, black butterfly.

Bad news travels at the speed of light; good news travels like molasses.

I have snakes, three sharks, moray eels, piranhas, five scorpions and a bird spider. All of them are predators. They are dangerous but it's cool to have strong and powerful pets.

I see knowledge of self. I know who I am. When I look in the mirror, I see me.

Don't follow in my footsteps. Be original, and create your own path. Be a trailblazer! Do you! Be better than me. Do you! Be happy and have joy in your life.

I love my mother. My mother made sure, her stubbornness - she made sure we was going to eat. She made sure we had Christmases. That was my mother. My father wasn't there for that.

My father said: "If you want to catch your girl cheating, you knock on the front door and run to the back, because he's coming out the back."

I love this cornbread so much, I wanna take it behind a middle school and get it pregnant.

Just follow your bliss, that's all you have to do. Be willing to be disappointed, for if you risk nothing, you'll have nothing worth having.

Women are the strong people in this world, not men. I think TV is finally catching up with that reality, and thank God.

I'm a Christian, and I believe that God has a plan and a purpose for each one of our lives and that He can intercede in all kinds of situations, and we need to have a little faith in many things.

But the weakness comes from these Westernised co-opted Muslim leaders who just want to look good in the eyes of the West and Western media.

I'm not a politician, I'm a comedian. I know my limitations.

If you give a person a fish, they'll fish for a day. But if you train a person to fish, they'll fish for a lifetime.

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.

Government is at best useless, and at worst counter-productive.

Whatever else a photograph may be about, it is always about time.

As hope and fear alternate chase Our course through life's uncertain race.