If I have kids, I'll adopt.

Your inability to see yourself clearly is what's keeping you alive.

I looked up and saw the shape of a heart made by the silhouette of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon kissing.

We need to stop telling girls they can be anything they want when they grow up. Because it would have never occurred to them that they couldn't.

I do love poop. I can't help it. The heart wants what it wants. I enjoy being clever and pithy and political, but nothing's going to get me like dumb stuff.

People are always introducing me as Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedienne. I hate that! I wish people would see me for who I really am — I'm white!

Jews, black people - any people who are hated or who have suffered, either as individuals or as a people - use humour. It is a survival skill.

I hope the Jews did kill Christ, I'd do it again in a second.

Drew Friedman isn't just a brilliant artist. He takes you to a place. He takes you back in time. He makes you smell the stale cigarettes and cold brisket and you say, thank you for the pleasure.

They've got great parents; I'm just trying to be the fun uncle.

I like talking about things that are taboo, because it makes them not taboo anymore.

Selfish leadership is okay with the failure of the successor so as to ensure that any form of praise will continue to be heaped on them

I´ve given you my time. Its all I´ve got to give - its all any man has. And for a pitiful buck and a quarter an hour.

Orr slept. He dreamed. There was no rub.

I don't think I'm an outsider at all.

There have been so many great moments in golf that you even forget some of them.

I don't have anything to prove to anybody, which is a lovely place to be.

As the mother of a son with disabilities, I try to keep an eye out for news that affects people in the large community of which he is a part.

I was so busy fighting and so busy trying to keep everything above water that I didn't realize I was spiraling downward with nowhere to go.

Be grateful for your problems, for they stimulate an "I-can-solve-it" attitude.

My job, professionally, is tapping into stuff. We've all got it. But, I just am fortunate enough that, beyond the age of 11, it's what I do professionally.