If I have to write by a certain time, I can pull through, but usually I just let stuff happen, hanging out with comic friends - or bringing a basic idea on stage and seeing if it goes anywhere.

Your inability to see yourself clearly is what's keeping you alive.

I looked up and saw the shape of a heart made by the silhouette of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon kissing.

We need to stop telling girls they can be anything they want when they grow up. Because it would have never occurred to them that they couldn't.

I do love poop. I can't help it. The heart wants what it wants. I enjoy being clever and pithy and political, but nothing's going to get me like dumb stuff.

People are always introducing me as Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedienne. I hate that! I wish people would see me for who I really am — I'm white!

Jews, black people - any people who are hated or who have suffered, either as individuals or as a people - use humour. It is a survival skill.

I hope the Jews did kill Christ, I'd do it again in a second.

Drew Friedman isn't just a brilliant artist. He takes you to a place. He takes you back in time. He makes you smell the stale cigarettes and cold brisket and you say, thank you for the pleasure.

They've got great parents; I'm just trying to be the fun uncle.

I like talking about things that are taboo, because it makes them not taboo anymore.

There is a solution to any problem you have to solve the puzzle.

The buddhi [intellect] is today’s gain, it is today’s experience! Whereas, akkal [insight, wisdom] is a nature’s gift!

Why did men have to ruin everything? The answer was simple, she supposed—because foolish women gave them the chance

Happiness is a tide: it carries you only a little way at a time but you have covered a vast space before you know that you are moving at all.

The possession targets a vulnerability in each of its victims and amplifies it. Essentially, it removes the self-control and notions of good that keep us from acting out on our darkest impulses.

I hope life treats you kind, and I hope you have all that you ever dreamed of, and I wish you joy and happiness. But above all of this, I wish you love.

This is a tough business to run for president.

The worst of guardians is a cruel ruler. Beware of becoming one of them.

For truth is precious and divine, too rich a pearl for carnal swine.

I'm not sure whether it's good fortune or bad, but I've died many times on screen.