If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.

It's not your enemies who are likeliest to hurt you. It is, always, those you trust.

Never pursue happiness, just create it inside you.

To live by medicine is to live horribly.

Goodness, my nose is enormous,' she exclaimed. 'Why didn't anyone tell me?

Omg. My long time teammate on the Nadadores and team USA, Fran Crippen, passed away today while racing in Dubai.

You could omit anything if you knew that the omitted part would strengthen the short story and make people feel something more than they understood

Creating your own urban farm is as simple as planting your flowerbeds with edibles.

What is true never fears investigation; what is false... fears everything.

A man should eat slowly, properly, even if he eats alone.

I can't wait to ride my electric scooter, walk my dog, watch TV, be bored … and I'm gonna put [my Oscar] in my hand and kiss it every night before I go to sleep.