If I kiss you now, I won’t be able to stop. We’ll miss the party.

Don’t be mad” was the first thing he said. He really was terrified, as if the most frightening reaper on the planet was no scarier than a mouse, and yet put him in a tux and it was the Apocalypse.

A demonic reaper asked to be my valentine and then killed his crazy ex-girlfriend to save my life. Tomorrow I was starting up antipsychotic meds.

Kids all want to look cool, as if knowledge is a great burden, but they're always looking around. They remember.

When you make mistakes during routines, it's not easy getting through them.

The best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be

When we face our problems, they disappear. So learn from failure and let success be the silent incentive.

As we grow older we grow both more foolish and wiser at the same time.

Right now, Im very healthy. I have no vices left. Except sugary breakfast cereal. And absinthe, of course.

Benefit of clergy: Half-rate on the railroad.

Being a parent, I'm acutely aware of how hard it is to get good childcare.

Farce is nearer tragedy in its essence than comedy is.

Dissembling profiteth nothing; a feigned countenance, and slightly forged externally, deceiveth but very few.