If I'm doing a talk show or an interview, or pretty much anything where I can't control the context, I'm loath to do the character.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

In the office, Michael sat behind our father’s desk, clicking away at the computer with his right hand, and making notes with his left. Ambidextrous freak.

When I feel too much and the universe aches inside of me.

Just keep putting out music. Don't think whether it's a hit or not and people will get you.

Writing a book is like running a marathon. You need to be fit to do it, mentally and, as far as possible, physically.

Every negative is a positive. The bad things that happen to me, I somehow make them good. That means you can't do anything to hurt me.

Oh! it is sweet to be thus weaned from friends, and from myself, and dead to the present world, that so I may live wholly to and upon the blessed God!

I'm a vagabond. I have a suitcase that is ready to go at a moment's notice. The thought of being in one place for a long time, or playing one character for a long time, is terrifying for me.

You know, that single girl life and that sense of isolation - that doesn't leave you just like that. And that's what that song is about. I remember that, and that is imprinted on me, that sense.

The greatest deterrent to giving is the illusion that this earth is our home.

After about a year or so, I was in L.A.; I'd decided to try to get a band together out there