If I owned a network, I would never let a guy just put people on without telling me who they are.

When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't.

The greatest thing about having a child is putting yourself second in your own life. It's a massive gift to be able to say you're not the most important person to yourself.

I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.

I have a lot of beliefs... and I live by none of them...

My kids used to love math. Now it makes them cry. Thanks standardized testing and common core!

When you have bacon in your mouth, it doesn't matter who's president.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Leave the dude alone and he'll figure it out.

Everything is amazing and nobody is happy

What happens after you die? Lot's of things happen after you die - they just don't involve you

One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.

Well, of course I think people can be forgiven. But our justice system is not set up to dispense forgiveness. You can go to the local priest for that.

Information is the lifeblood of medicine and health information technology is destined to be the circulatory system for that information.

I certainly have an advantage over some because I can pass on so much from the World Cups I played in.

I think one of the things that is easy to have happened in a superhero story is that the female character, whether she be a heroine or not, can often be the wart on the man.

Actually, there is only one first question of government, and it is How should we live? or What kind of people do we want our citizens to be?

Salesmanship, too, is an art; the perfection of its technique requires study and practice.

All the world says of a coxcomb that he is a coxcomb; but no one dares to say so to his face, and he dies without knowing it.

Everything I see and touch reminds me of him, and so everything I see and touch is perfect.

Obviously, I'm not homeless. I'm not an old alcoholic. I'm not jumping trains. I just like to live in a certain way.

You’ve no idea...my tongue has been known to let blood on four continents. (Geary)