If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.

I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen

When you have left your life, you will be judged not for your possessions but for your contributions.

I do not wish to lose my temper because very shortly I will lose my head. Nevertheless, upon leaving this spark of earthly existence, I have this to say: I shall see you all very soon ... very soon.

It's a moral question about whether we have the right to exterminate species.

People say you don't need a father to be successful. I take offense to that.

Then I saw you through myself and found we were identical.

Every father was his own man. He did what he wanted. If your mother went shopping, your father never went with her.

The hardest part is keeping yourself even keel across the board. You have to keep a balance until you get to Sunday and understand what goes with the week.

If I have an agenda or a goal, no one is going to deter me from what I want to do.

A man who says that men are machines may be a great scientist. A man who says he is a machine is 'depersonalized' in psychiatric jargon.

In fact, if one considers the possible constants and laws that could have emerged, the odds against a universe that produced life like ours are immense.