If I see something sagging, dragging and bagging, I’ll get it nip, tucked, sucked or plucked.

If you want the rainbow you gotta put up with the rain.

The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.

Storms make trees take deeper roots.

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.

If you don't like the road you're walking, start paving another one.

A peacock that rests on his feathers is just another turkey.

I'm on a seafood diet - I see food, I eat it.

I look just like the girls next door... if you happen to live next door to an amusement park.

We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails.

Get married because you can’t imagine another day without talking with that person, because that person makes your day sunnier. Don’t get married because you don’t want to be alone.

Since capitalism is a system based of the love of money, doesn't that make it the root of all evil?

The quarrels and divisions about religion were evils unknown to the heathen. The reason was because the religion of the heathen consisted rather in rites and ceremonies than in any constant belief.

Einstein didn't speak until he was four, leading most of his teachers to believe he was crazy. That is until he whipped out the theory of relativity. BAYUM! Showed you guys.

What are the "maximum" limits of acceptance of the term "intellectual"?

I'm going to be the next head coach at Notre Dame.

The world is full of wonders that cannot be measured. That is why they are wonders.

I look back at my filmography, and I'm pretty jazzed with the stuff I've been part of. They're all movies I'd like to see.

Estragon: What about hanging ourselves? Vladimir: Hmm. It'd give us an erection.

At the end of the day, if you're old enough, you're good enough.