If I tried to flirt with a woman and she didn't know who I was, she would run away.

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.

Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that people assume it was some kind of waltz in the park back then.

Being Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm was the best thing to happen to Larry David in life.

Give a guy a girlfriend and a great job, he doesn’t need therapy.

I’d rather have the thieves than the neighbors - the thieves don't impose. Thieves just want your things, neighbors want your time.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

Sometimes you have to wander a bit, and do what you don't want to in order to figure out what it is you're supposed to do.

Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.

I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.

A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone

If one can know how good a city is by its smell, one should know how good a society is by the women's status.

We are always looking for beauty and forget that it is residing inside of our own hearts.

It’s an artist’s right to rebel against the world’s stupidity.

The man who goes to the top is the man who has something to say and says it when circumstances warrant. Men who keep silent underdressed are moral cowards.

My point has always been that, ever since the Industrial Revolution, science fiction has been the most important genre there is.

It is his capacity for self-improvement and self-redemption which most distinguishes man from the mere brute.

The greatest genius will not be worth much if he pretends to draw exclusively from his own resources

Ma petite is not a subtle woman. Unless you say it, she will not understand it.

Does it give you déjà voodoo how alike the houses are?" "That's déjà vu, and I hate you right now

The sound of water says what I think.