If I want a long, boring story with no point to it, I have my life.

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it, it's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

These pretzels are making me thirsty!

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.

We should meet in another life, we should meet in air, me and you.

Not that believing such things has anything to do with whether they are true. You see that, don't you?

All flesh shall perish together and man shall turn again unto dust.

When I was 6 I became the poster child for my hospital and would go to banquets and make speeches. I did not get stage fright and I actually enjoyed talking to people of all ages.

The appropriation of radical thinking by lazy, self-obsessed hippies is a public relations disaster that could cost the earth.

You don't have to go where you don't want to be to get where you want to be. You can go from where you are to where you want to be.

I want a woman that wants me to take care of myself because truly, that tells a lot about you. And if you don't take care of yourself how can you take care of a woman? How can you take care of kids?

To choose the ideal voice for a character is to give a character an ardent and vivid life, to allow him or her to speak, rather than speaking for them, in an older style of omniscient narration.

Lasting happiness starts with one question...what can I celebrate?

I have seen no men in life loving their profession so much as painters, except, perhaps, actors, who, when not engaged themselves, always go to the play.