If I were actually Homer Simpson, I'd be getting scripts out the wazoo.

The nice thing is that, at least in Los Angeles, I'm known as a character actor and I do auditions for other things besides just cartoon shows.

Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves.

I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution!

Go ahead and play the blues if it'll make you happy.

If the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such and such.

All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat?'. I'm trying to impress people here Lisa. You don't win friends with salad.

Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. This Bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner! Except this guy.

To many, Homer may appear lazy and a loser, but he's just much misguided. He's boorish, sure, but well meaning and, I guess, the one thing we have in common is the pursuit of lousy diets.

As different as a moonbeam from lightning, or frost from fire.

A philosopher is a sort of intellectual yokel who gawks at things that sensible people take for granted.

If I had my life to live over, I would perhaps have more actual troubles but I'd have fewer imaginary ones.

We must not be hampered by yesterday's myths in concentrating on today's needs.

A goal should scare you a little, and excite you a lot.

I have to do my duty, whatever task is allotted to me.

If there is moonlight outside, don't stay inside! If there is candle inside, don't stay outside! Moments of romanticism are too valuable to be missed!

That's me. I can be me a bit at home, but I'm kind of like a square peg in a round hole.

Success is having people love you that you want to have love you.

Sometimes I want to party, sometimes I want to fight and sometimes I want to cry.