If I were blind, I'd wear a blindfold all the time.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

When people seem angry, sometimes they are simply upset and hurting. Asking the right questions helps them to work through it.

Hatred begets One with eyes Closed, The wiser's love cannot be sourced.

A goal lacking a sense of ethics is a goal that lacks any sense.

He was a lovely man in many ways. But he kept on insisting on forgiving me when there was nothing to forgive.

I had a deliberate plan to get into movies by becoming a model, so I went to New York and got a job pretending to be a mannequin in store windows.

Everyone knows of great projects that were too dependent on a charismatic individual, or simply too expensive to be replicated.

Nothing was happening, really, but the moment was thick with mattering

Usually when Obama says, 'Let me be clear,' he's about to get into some very unclear sh*t.

To me punk rock is thinking outside of the box, outside of the program, outside the establishment.

Forecasting is very difficult, especially when it involves the future.