If I won the lottery I'd start a charity that helped little family hardware stores, cobblers and fruit shops open in city centres.

My name is Alexei Yuri Gagarin Siege of Stalingrad Glorious Five Year Plan Sputnik Tractor Moscow Dynamo Back Four Balowski. Me Dad was a bit of a Communist, know what I mean?

Honestly, sometimes I get really fed up of my subconscious - it's like it's got a mind of its own.

People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.

Americans have different ways of saying things. They say 'elevator', we say 'lift'... they say 'President', we say 'stupid psychopathic git.

Yuri Gagarin, the first man in space, may have had his charms, but he really couldn't be considered hip.

There's a part of me that still hates everything, and my natural view default setting is still very cynical and dark

I've been going to Granada for many years and 12 years ago bought a house a few miles outside the city.

If sitcoms were easy to write, there'd be a lot of good ones, and there aren't.

Dire Straits is a great band. Someone tells you they like ""Brothers in Arms"" and immediately you know they're a stupid annoying git.

Israel is the Jimmy Saville of nation states.

Many people get visited by the Lord in a given time but lack the wisdom to navigate in it.

To win our races, we will dare! The enemy may try every means to stop us, but look, "we won't care!

Love is the difficult realization that something other than oneself is real.

I am not handsome, but when women hear me play, they come crawling to my feet.

I think America did a great job. I think Carrie Underwood fits the bill of American Idol. She's a wonderful girl, and she's gonna have a great career.

Do you want to live in a world where a man lies about calories?

True virtue would never liken its rewards to points on a loyalty card, not because it is its own reward, but because it is not something we should practice to accrue future benefits.

You only want everything you don't have.

If you try your best, you can always be better.

How I became a better writer was that I kept writing.