If Jesus came back and saw what was going on in his name, he'd never stop throwing-up.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.

You rely too much on brain. The brain is the most overrated organ.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.

Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!

To you, I'm an atheist.To God, I'm the loyal opposition.

God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.

Thus bound together, they sheltered the child from the cold, dark night, enveloping him in warmth.

The reason why I smile even in the midst of the storm is because I know that Jesus Christ will carry me through.

There are very few comics that understand about exciting the crowd, and that's what I always prided myself on: giving a more confident macho attitude towards delivering material.

Take nothing on its looks; take everything on evidence. There's no better rule.

I'm a biologist who has been interested in the biological roots of cognitive phenomena.

Elmore James only knew one lick, but you had the feeling that he meant it.

Everything may not be OK but if God is with you, you will be OK.

You can't live in the past, there's nothing you can do about it.

A true sonnet goes eight lines and then takes a turn for better or worse and goes six or eight lines more.

Marriage is sanctified when it is cherished and honored in holiness. That union is not merely between husband and wife; it embraces a partnership with God.