If Obama's a tyrant, then he's pretty lame for a tyrant. How many tyrants do you know that really suffer because they can't get cloture? Very few.

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

If no one seems to understandStart your own revolution and cut out the mid

i wish i had 15-20 cats that would serve as a blanket, like if i moved they would adjust to my new position, that would be good

If My New Album Isn't Out in 2014, Something is Seriously Wrong!

You've learned that every good lie is threaded with truth and every accepted truth leaks lies.

What happens when people open their hearts?"... "They get better.

Drawing is the true test of art.

Your choice to believe and keep covenants will leave a rich legacy of faith for those who follow you.

Never run into debt, not if you can find anything else to run into.

I guess I haven't talked to Bob Dylan since before then [interview to Rolling Stones]. I follow his career.

By all means break the rules, and break them beautifully, deliberately and well.