If Shakespeare were alive today and writing comedy for the movies, he would be the head-liner for the Mack Sennett studios.

We call ourselves a free nation, and yet we let ourselves be told what cabs we can and can't take by a man at a hotel door, simply because he has a drum major's uniform on.

Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?

The free-lance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps.

You might think that after thousands of years of coming up too soon and getting frozen, the crocus family would have had a little sense knocked into it.

Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.

In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.

There is no such place as Budapest. Perhaps you are thinking of Bucharest, and there is no such place as Bucharest, either.

Your soul is your sacred self.

I have never learned to hate. Don't let my first lesson come from you.

You are not stuck in traffic. You ARE traffic.

Everything about the behaviour of American society reveals that it's half Judaized, and the other half negrified.

In exalting the faculties of the soul, we annihilate, in a great degree, the delusion of the senses.

Geoengineering means changing the Earth's fundamental large-scale processes.

Only within yourself exists the other reality for which you long. I can give you nothing that has not already its being within yourself. I can throw open to you no picture gallery but your own soul.

I was able to change my life by knowing that if somebody does something good for you, you have to respond.

It seems that humanity is incapable of putting a halt to the shedding of innocent blood.

I'm not high maintenance.