If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

If you start each day happy and treat people with more kindness, it determines the way you live your day. It's all about your choices!

The poor monkey, quietly seated on the ground, seemed to be in sore trouble at this display of anger.

Addiction is an increasing desire for an act that gives less and less satisfaction

I’ve been a slave to football. It follows you home, it follows you everywhere, and eats into your family life. But every working man misses out on some things because of his job.

I felt landscapes would sell more readily, and not being equipped psychologically to be a teacher or commercial artist, that was important.

I've always considered Christ to be one of the greatest revolutionaries in the history of humanity.

The more acute the experience, the less articulate its expression.

When we are stirred to lament the loss of the gods, it is more than likely the gods who are doing the stirring.

I want you to be nice...until it's time to not be nice.

You've got to have a problem that you want to solve; a wrong that you want to right.