If a man really knew himself he would utterly despise the ignorant notions others might form on a subject in which he had such matchless opportunities for observation.

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.

To be interested in the changing seasons is a happier state of mind than to be hopelessly in love with spring.

Do not have evil-doers for friends, do not have low people for friends: have virtuous people for friends, have for friends the best of men.

There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval.

The passions grafted on wounded pride are the most inveterate; they are green and vigorous in old age.

Each religion, by the help of more or less myth, which it takes more or less seriously, proposes some method of fortifying the human soul and enabling it to make its peace with its destiny.

Intelligence is quickness in seeing things as they are.

Experience seems to most of us to lead to conclusions, but empiricism has sworn never to draw them.

Man is a gregarious animal, and much more so in his mind than in his body. He may like to go alone for a walk, but he hates to stand alone in his opinions.

The Difficult is that which can be done immediately; the Impossible that which takes a little longer.

In the midst of the personified impersonal world, smiles dramatically connect humans.

When the cow gives blood and the Christ is born we must all eat sacrifices. We must all eat beautiful women.

If you don't believe in God, I don't believe in you.

Good manners sometimes means simply putting up with other people's bad manners.

Climate change isnʼt a distant threat. Itʼs already changing the way we live.

When we lost I couldn't sleep at night. When we win I can't sleep at night. But when you win, you wake up feeling better

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.

Western governments should bear their responsibilities toward the welfare of their people and not try to make oil producers pay the costs

The Comedy Store attracts all types of people, growing up I was able to meet them all.

Since I had my gastric bypass surgery in 1998, I eat like a bird. Unfortunately, that bird is a California condor.