If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

If they give you ruled paper, write the other way.

A ‘biomass’ man tries to look good on the outside but inside he is afraid of himself

The feminist call was for women to embrace ways of seeing beauty and adorning ourselves that are healthy, life-affirming, and not overly time-time consuming.

One of the primary goals in life should be to prepare for death. Everything else should be secondary.

It is our boast, that a man's religious tenets will not forfeit the protection of the Laws.

Almost everyone who has gone to the bad early in life has had a deceitful mother.

Songs suffer at the mercy of the performer.

I ain't sleeping. I'm just taking a good look at the insides of my eyelids.

There is musick, even in the beauty and the silent note which Cupid strikes, far sweeter than the sound of an instrument.