If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents, he would promise them missionaries for dinner.

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.

The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots.

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.

Morality is doing what is right, no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right.

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.

The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.

It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.

Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.

Don’t wait for a perfect person to love. Love a person and make him or her perfect with your power of love.

Soon, all the children were chanting it. “No school! No school!

I said nothing. Deep inside of me, my voice screamed from a hole where I had buried it

A crust eaten in peace is better than a banquet partaken in anxiety.

You can keep 'consumer' DNA at the center of your product. That will always mean that adoption is easier.

Marilyn Monroe was taken advantage of by most of the men that knew her, including Frank Sinatra and Joe DiMaggio, whom I also knew very well.

I, who thought to sink, was caught up into love, and taught the whole of life in a new rhythm.

Failure is never a reason not to try again.

The best thing you can possibly do for a friend is to be his friend.

Things just happen. What the hell.