If a tree falls in the woods, and nobody is around to hear it, and it hits a mime, does anyone care?

Every week when my batch of weekly cartoons would go to FedEx, it felt like a small miracle. Then in a few days, it's 'Here we go again.'

I don't believe in the concept of hell, but if I did I would think of it as filled with people who were cruel to animals.

By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began to suspect 'Hungry'.

You always hear a headline like this, 'Man Killed By Shark', you never hear it from the other perspective, 'Man Swims in Shark Infested Waters, Forgets He's Shark Food'.

The Bluebird of Happiness long absent from his life, Ned is visited by the Chicken of Depression.

It is a known fact that the sheep that give us steel wool have no natural enemies.

Great moments in science: Einstein discovers that time is actually money.

You should always leave the party 10 minutes before you actually do.

The picture's pretty bleak, gentlemen... The world's climates are changing, the mammals are taking over, and we all have a brain about the size of a walnut.

The fuel light's on, Frank! We're all going to die! Wait, wait... Oh, my mistake - that's the intercom light.

We may be pilgrims passing through this world, but let's not be grim-pills in the process!

Because Ann learned to trust God fifteen years ago, she is able to trust God now with an even more difficult situation.

Every man is defined by his deeds.

Life is for service.

you live each day one at a timeyou live every day all at onceyou live with the possibility of good-byeyou move on.

The system is the best that the present views and circumstances of the country will permit.

in modern society, fear of unemployment remains the darkest of the shadows thrown by the past. In an industrial order, a man out of work is almost a man out of life.

Pretty much any time in my career where I worked on television it was usually because of some financial woes or something.

When everyone has let you down... You still have ice cream.

If God only used perfect people, He would have no one to use.