If after I depart this vale you ever remember me and have thought to please my ghost forgive some sinner and wink your eye at some homely girl.

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.

The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots.

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.

Morality is doing what is right, no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right.

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.

The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.

It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.

Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.

Just because things hadn't gone the way I had planned didn't necessarily mean they had gone wrong.

Results? Why man I have gotten a lot of results. I know several thousand things that won't work.

Sports uplift us. It's celebratory, gives us optimism and joy.

Religion is the frozen thought of man out of which they build temples.

Talking to liberals is much more fun now that we have Lexis-Nexis.

So Rita and I decided that the most subversive, revolutionary thing I could do was to show up for my life and not be ashamed.

But angels come to lead frail minds to rest in chaste desires, on heavenly beauty bound. You frame my thoughts, and fashion me within; you stop my tongue, and teach my heart to speak.

Language always preserves a play or figure/ground relation between experience, and perception and its replay in expression.

Momma kept a garden, which sounds romantic to people who have never held a hoe

It is unsound for an independent editor to be a financial contributor to any cause which would cause any type of special pleading.