If an armed nation were a polite nation, America would be paradise. We have more than 200 million guns in private owernship here. But our manners are not getting better.

I prefer someone who burns the flag and then wraps themselves up in the Constitution over someone who burns the Constitution and then wraps themselves up in the flag.

On the whole, I prefer not to be lectured on patriotism by those who keep offshore maildrops in order to avoid paying their taxes.

What we have here, fellow citizens, is a crassly egocentric, raving twit.

It's like, duh. Just when you thought there wasn't a dime's worth of difference between the two parties, the Republicans go and prove you're wrong.

It is possible to read the history of this country as one long struggle to extend the liberties established in our Constitution to everyone in America.

Satire is traditionally the weapon of the powerless against the powerful. I only aim at the powerful. When satire is aimed at the powerless, it is not only cruel -- it's vulgar.

If you ever get to the place where injustice doesn't bother you, you're dead.

One thing that corporations do not do is give out money out of the goodness of their hearts.

I know: "Guns Don't Kill People." But I suspect that they have something to do with it. If you point your finger at someone and say, "Bang, bang, you're dead," not much actually happens.

How the American right managed to convince itself that the programs to alleviate poverty are responsible for the consequences of poverty will someday be studied as a notorious mass illusion.

When we are telling people to depend on favor rather than qualification, we are actually preparing a ground for our country to collapse.

A lot went wrong before I ended up in a great place!

I think that 'Hangover II' is as funny as 'The Hangover I, ' honest to God, but I think that it's a little bit darker, and the stakes are a little bit higher.

I was essentially paid to perpetuate the myth that we are all, or should at least try to be, 17 and a size 2 forever.

You are no more in your body than Beethoven is inside your radio.

I realize then that it's not enough to know what someone is called. You have to know who they are.

We will be changing the regime of Iraq for the good of the iraqi people.

Poverty is no vice, but an inconvenience.

It was true; always had been. Friendships were like marriages in that way. Routines and patterns were poured early and hardened like cement.

... where a man's wound is, that is where his genius will be.