If anyone tells me I'm fat, I say, - That's because every time I make love to your wife, she gives me a biscuit

Breakfast is a notoriously difficult meal to serve with a flourish.

To barbecue is a way of life rather than a desirable method of cooking.

If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer.

Owning a racehorse is probably the most expensive way of getting on to a racecourse for nothing.

I've known Nicholas Parsons for a fairly long time and his geniune pleasures are in rubber tubes, metal clips

There's no law that decrees when not to whinge, but you reach a certain age - 80 seems about right - when you're expected to manifest querulousness - the coffee's too hot, the boiled egg's too soft.

I think our police are excellent, probably because I have not done anything that has occasioned being beaten up by these good men.

I was going to talk about Nicholas Parsons' ignorance, but 18 seconds would be a wholly insufficient time.

Congealed fat is pretty much the same, irrespective of the delicacy around which it is concealed.

It is essential that we understand people for who they are as individuals and not the public perception of them or their family and past.

Students may not remember what you try to teach them, but they will never forget who you are and what feelings you created in their mind.

Absolution is not the same as understanding.

He had quite liked the dwarfs. He often had no idea what they were talking about, but for a group of homicidal, class-obsessed small people, they were really rather good fun.

The saddest day hath gleams of light The darkest wave hath bright foam beneath it The twinkles o'er the cloudiest night Some solitary star to cheer it.

A nation that does not honor its heroes will not long endure.

I'm actually interested and enthusiastic. Even when I walk into a show not knowing much about my guest, I always come away as more of a fan or enthusiast.

The end of secrecy would be the end of the novel - especially the English novel. The English novel requires social secrecy, personal secrecy.

Consider that as a principle of love is the main principle in the heart of a real Christian, so the labor of love, is the main business of the Christian life.

In your own life, you should take particular care with endings, for their color will forever tinge your memory of the entire relationship and your willingness to reenter it.