If at first you don't succeed, then drag racing isn't for you.

Screw normal. You know why? 'Cause if you're normal, the crowd will accept you. But if you're deranged, the crowd will make you their leader.

Everyone has an enemy. It's why God gave us baseball bats. Well, He gave us trees, but we knew what He meant.

I don't fail. I succeed at finding out what doesn't work.

Take the time to smell the roses. Sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee and die.

The normal make a living. The deranged make history.

I think when you sit alone with your brain too much, your own brain starts to rebel against you.

Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living. My dad said, Booty - mmm mmm.

I don't believe in right or left; I don't believe in Santa or Satan. I believe in things I can touch - like vodka and Oreos.

Anyone can have a relationship but if you're dating a woman who's so crazy in bed that if you aren't wearing your Kevlar one night you might never see daylight again... that's exciting.

The only thing that ever made me want to be a wife-beater is being called one. Your honor, can I have five minutes to make her not a liar, please?

Only through becoming aware of yourself and your limitations can you be transparent with others.

Heaven on earth is a function of the presence of God

There might be some of them that don't care. To me, it's important that my fans know how much I appreciate them.

Until recently, I thought 'occasional poetry' meant that you wrote only occasionally.

Reputation shows who people think you are. Character shows who you really are.

The whole purpose of religion is to facilitate love and compassion, patience, tolerance, humility, and forgiveness.

I've been out on the book tour going through Pittsburgh, St Louis and Cleveland, Dayton and Orlando, Raleigh-Durham. I sign many books for people.

There's a reason prophets perform miracles; language lacks the power to describe faith.

I think I lead a really real life.

If you're sincerely seeking God, God will make His existence evident to you.