If at first you don't succeed, lie, lie again.

Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.

Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent.

Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.

Don't believe in miracles - depend on them.

An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.

Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.

When in doubt or danger, run in circles, scream and shout.

A man doesn't know what he knows until he knows what he doesn't know.

There are two kinds of failures: those who thought and never did, and those who did and never thought

Some problems are so complex that you have to be highly intelligent and well informed just to be undecided about them.

Don't throw away luck on little stuff. Save it up.

I think my biggest achievement is that after going through a rather difficult time I consider myself comparatively sane. I'm proud of that.

I'm dealing with my drinking problem and I have a reputation for getting things done.

Both of my parents were musicians.

See to it that each hour's feelings, and thoughts, and actions are pure and true; then will your life be such.

We practically own everything in the Philippines.

One who truly meets the world goes out also to God.

Make sure you're always giving, way more than you're taking

Clay is one of the best things you can put in your body.

Calculated is the truth of adulthood, whereas honest is the truth of a child.