If comedy is about surprises, about tension, there's a lot of tension and surprise there, in the fact that people are expecting this to be natural.

Quotes are for dumb people who can't think of something intelligent to say on their own.

Once a week, I like to slip into a deep existential depression where I lose all my sense of oneness and self-worth.

I love you just the way you are but you don't see you like I do. You shouldn't try so hard to be perfect. Trust me, perfect should try to be you.

I saw a giraffe with a short neck That was sad Or a deer

If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?

Laughter is the best medicine, y'know, besides medicine.

Squaring numbers are just like women. If they're under thirteen, just do them in your head.

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no.

I stopped and I thought, 'What would Jesus do?' So I didn't exist.

Maybe life on earth could be heaven, doesn't just the thought of it make it worth a try?

I'll tell you a story, far, far from here where blades of grass are fluent in sentient knowledge and trees are a mandala of prayer.

Gen Y's work best in groups, collaboratively, transparently, interactively and entrepreneurially - and have already created positive change in many local communities and around the world.

You know what? I don’t care about everyone. I never even cared about me. I cared about you.

The first fresh hour of every morning should be dedicated to the Lord, whose mercy gladdens it with golden light.

In a world of sorrow, love was an act of will. All you needed were the right ingredients.

Now, you always know there's going to be some compromise when you're doing something for television, and especially network television.

My dad always told me that I could be anything I wanted, if I was willing to work hard enough to achieve it.

The materials I use are absolutely essential to the work I make.

For ten thousand dollars, I'd endorse an opium pipe.

As an elder I mistrust the wisdom of age.