If every hypocrite in the United States were to break his leg to-day the country could be successfully invaded to-morrow by the warlike hypocrites of Canada.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

Never deviate off the path that society has set for you. Otherwise you may find yourself in a place that you like.

One of God’s high callings for His people is that they be teachers of good things.

The knowledge and spiritual conviction we receive from the Holy Ghost are the result of revelation.

I have no wife whom I love so well that I would not put a javelin through her heart, and I would do it with clean hands.

Moderation, we find, is an extremely difficult thing to get in this country.

Kim Kardashian is single again. Hey, great. Maybe that will give the NBA players something to do during the lockout.

The United States, which would live on Christian principles with all of the peoples of the world, cannot omit a fair deal for its own Indian citizens.

Temperature is as far as the heat goes, people are haters cos im doing something good. Hate me dont hate the hood. It made me strong, you wouldn't last that long.

God has bestowed two gifts on man: hope and ignorance. Ignorance is the better of the two.

WESTBURY, a nasty odious rotten-borough, a really rotten place.