If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

Laughter is an instant vacation.

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

Laughter is the best medicine in the world.

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.

Back then we gave it our all, we neither lied nor made mistakes, we didn't fail and didn't do anything wrong.It's just that...TIME has passed and changed it all.

It was not accustomed to being summoned.

Anticipation tingled in my stomach: the kind of tingle that at first you don’t know if it’s a good tingle or a bad tingle – just a tingle.

Anyone who thought death warmed over didn't look good, had never seen this guy.

I'm not at all contemptuous of comforts, but they have their place and it is not first.

For him who fain would teach the world The world holds hate in fee- For Socrates, the hemlock cup; For Christ, Gethsemane.

A mountain with a wolf on it stands a little taller.

Books have been to me what gold is to the miser, what new fields are to the explorer.

It is Proust's courtesy to spare the reader the embarrassment of believing himself cleverer than the author.