If freedom means anything at all, it is the right to primacy in regard to sexuality, reproduction, medical care and death.

Catholic extremism should be resisted as fiercely at home as we oppose the Taliban abroad.

If God wanted teenagers to be abstinent, puberty would begin at twenty.

Life is nasty, brutish, and short. Death is easy.

Nothing sells tombstones like a Girl Scout in uniform.

Choose old people for enemies. They die. You win.

If you give a man a hammer, he thinks he can solve all problems by pounding. Well, God gave men penises.

The boss is never your friend, even if you're sleeping with him.

Never make enemies of anyone younger or healthier than you are. They write your history.

Be optimistic. Always put on clean underwear if you're going on a date.

Even a poor tour guide is entitled to some happiness.

The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him.

In a world spoiled by the obituary of attention and the dormancy of empathy, people are coming up short of authentic emotion. (“The upper lip must never tremble”)

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

Sleeping is no mean art: for its sake one must stay awake all day.

Never praise your cider or your horse

I’m like a psychologist, I can discover the panther inside a woman and then, boosh! I can give her power!

I've been an actor for 30 years, so I pretty much know how to do the basics of a fight without hurting anybody.

We may never become accustomed to untrue and unjust criticism of us but we ought not to be immobilized by it.

His left foot is fantastic. It's like Mozart. God gave Freddy the gift to play soccer. If he is prepared mentally and physically, nobody will stop him. (on Freddy Adu)

What one fool can do another can.