If his IQ slips any lower, we'll have to water him twice a day

I prefer someone who burns the flag and then wraps themselves up in the Constitution over someone who burns the Constitution and then wraps themselves up in the flag.

On the whole, I prefer not to be lectured on patriotism by those who keep offshore maildrops in order to avoid paying their taxes.

What we have here, fellow citizens, is a crassly egocentric, raving twit.

It's like, duh. Just when you thought there wasn't a dime's worth of difference between the two parties, the Republicans go and prove you're wrong.

It is possible to read the history of this country as one long struggle to extend the liberties established in our Constitution to everyone in America.

Satire is traditionally the weapon of the powerless against the powerful. I only aim at the powerful. When satire is aimed at the powerless, it is not only cruel -- it's vulgar.

If you ever get to the place where injustice doesn't bother you, you're dead.

One thing that corporations do not do is give out money out of the goodness of their hearts.

I know: "Guns Don't Kill People." But I suspect that they have something to do with it. If you point your finger at someone and say, "Bang, bang, you're dead," not much actually happens.

How the American right managed to convince itself that the programs to alleviate poverty are responsible for the consequences of poverty will someday be studied as a notorious mass illusion.

No man is good enough to govern another man without the other's consent.

Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.

I would prefer to be a citizen of an independent country rather than Emperor of an enslaved one.

To reflect upon the event horizon is a great deal more awe-inspiring than a burning bush or a wooden statue that weeps or pees or bleeds.

We don't "have" a great day, we "make it" a great day!

All knowledge that is not the real product of observation, or of consequences deduced from observation, is entirely groundless and illusory.

Like all sick children,' he answered dispassionately, 'you say you don't want pity, but your very existence depends upon it.

I never did anything I'm really ashamed of.

I can't really describe a trick as much as I just feel it.

Confucius say, man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day