If it's not bourbon or sweatpants, it's going in the garbage.... No, don't get creative. Now is not a creative time. Now is a bourbon and sweatpants time.

The baby will talk when he talks, relax. It ain't like he knows the cure for cancer and just ain't spitting it out.

On Furnishing One's Home - Pick your furniture like you pick a wife; it should make you feel comfortable and look nice, but not so nice that if someone walks past it they want to steal it.

Los Angeles is like San Diego's older, uglier sister that has herpes.

I just want silence... Jesus, it doesn't mean I don't like you. It just means right now, I like silence more.

Writing a book is incredibly pleasurable, but very solitary. You have total control, but sometimes that can drive you insane.

Why would you throw a ball in someone's face?...Huh. That's a pretty good reason. Well, I can't do much about your teacher being pissed, but me and you are good.

No, you can't go getting mad at people because they're shitty. Life will get mad at them, don't worry.

You go ahead. I'd rather not be shot out of a tube into a pool filled with a bunch of nine-year-olds' urine.

I was an angst-y journal writing kid.

You're like a tornado of bullshit right now. We'll talk again when your bullshit dies out over someone else's house.

Loneliness is no respecter of persons. It invades the palace as well as the hut.

I have two eyes, and I go to see the ice.

There is something human about the way people react to and identify with suffering. There's a lot more empathy in the world than we perhaps realize.

I can't live where I want to, I can't go where I want to go, I can't do what I want to, I can't even say what I want to. I decided I was a very stupid fool not to at least paint as I wanted to.

My analyst refused to hear my dreams. This was years ago.

If I don't have a deadline, I could fuss around with stuff for forever.

Perhaps we’ve never been visited by aliens because they have looked upon earth and decided there’s no sign of intelligent life.

To give yourself the best possible chance of playing to your potential, you must prepare for every eventuality. That means practice.

Worst high five ever." - Diego

My dad was always fascinated and amused by Trump, so I learned to be fascinated and amused by Trump.